Dear PANDAS parent,
I see you. You are struggling. You are barely holding it together. You don’t know how you’ll survive another day through the abyss that is your life. You are grieving the loss of your child as you know them. You feel robbed, angry, defeated, hopeless, exhausted, depressed, fearful, misunderstood, let down, not believed, heartbroken. I know… you’re heart is so very broken. You’ve cried so many tears you could fill oceans. You are fueled by coffee, sustained by wine, and powered by mama bear ferocity.
Your life as you know it has completely unraveled, and what is left, is hanging by a thread. But this thread is strong, and so are you. This thread is your lifeline – it’s the start of how you will knit yourself and your family back together. It’s unbreakable and so are you. This thread is your hope, your fearlessness, your unwavering love and devotion. Like the umbilical cord that nurtured your child in the womb, this thread is your life force; it has a heartbeat. It breathes in and out; and so will you. Stop holding your breath darling. Stop waiting for the worst to happen. I know you are, because I worry about it too. Breathe in deeply and feel that air fill your lungs and move the oxygen through your body. Your mind is quiet. Your mind is still… amidst the noise and chaos. This is where our power to go on lies.
You are so brave. You are a warrior. You can do this. I know you can’t do it alone, but you are not alone in this fight. Don’t stay quiet. Together we will be heard. Our children will heal, and so will we.
Your beautiful precious child is in there somewhere – you have to keep believing that. You have glimpses that tell you that’s true, but you remember them before… and sometimes that’s the hardest part.
Your life will forever be divided into before, and after. And what is to come. This path is not easy – sometimes it’s well worn by others who have come before you, and sometimes it’s the road less traveled – and it is you who will pave the way for others that will follow.
One day this nightmare will be a memory. A testament of love and strength.
I see you, because I am you. Together we can get through this. xo
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